Why does the Church teach that marriage between baptized persons is a sacrament?
The For Your Marriage website, which is an initiative of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops, explains, “The sacraments make Christ present in our midst. Like the other sacraments, marriage is not just for the good of individuals, or the couple, but for the community as a whole. The Catholic Church teaches that marriage between two baptized persons is a sacrament. The Old Testament prophets saw the marriage of a man and woman as a symbol of the covenant relationship between God and His people. The permanent and exclusive union between husband and wife mirrors the mutual commitment between God and His people. The Letter to the Ephesians says that this union is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the Church.”
Why does the Church teach that marriage is a vocation?
The For Your Marriage website observes that a couple’s relationship “is more than simply their choice to enter a union which is a social and legal institution. In addition to these things, marriage involves a call from God and a response from two people who promise to build, with the help of divine grace, a lifelong, intimate and sacramental partnership of life and love.” For Your Marriage continues, “The call to marriage is a particular way of living the universal call to holiness given to every Christian in the Sacrament of Baptism. The calls to priesthood, or to the vowed religious life, or to the single life are other Christian vocations. Along with marriage, all of them equally though in different ways, are a response to the Lord who says, ‘Follow me.’ The call to love is “the fundamental and innate vocation of every human being.” In the vocation of marriage—something which is “written in the very nature of man and woman,” we see that “the love of a husband and wife becomes an image of the absolute and unfailing love with which God loves.” A vocation is a personal call. It is offered freely and must be accepted freely. Attraction to a certain way of life or to a specific person can be a good sign of being called. Most often, a person comes to recognize and accept a vocation gradually. This process, sometimes called discernment, is an opportunity for growth. It can be helped by prayer and guidance from trusted mentors, friends, and family. However, what begins as attraction must deepen into conviction and commitment. Those who are called to the married life should be ready to learn what their vocation means and to acquire the virtues and skills needed for a happy and holy marriage. The vocation to marriage is a call to a life of holiness and service within the couple’s own relationship and in their family. As a particular way of following the Lord, this vocation also challenges a couple to live their marriage in a way that expresses God’s truth and love in the world.”
How does marriage lead to family?
The family is an intimate community of life and love, and marriage is its foundation. Family begins at the moment of marriage, even before children are born. Every marriage between Christians generates a “church of the home” or “domestic church,” and it is Christ’s presence within the family that accomplishes this. The U.S. bishops explain that “Like the whole Church, every Christian family rests on a firm foundation, namely, Christ’s promise to be faithful to those he has chosen. When a man and a woman pledge themselves to each other in the Sacrament of Matrimony, they join in Christ’s promise and become a living sign of his union with the Church.”3 The home is the “first school of Christian life” as well as a “school of human enrichment,” and all family members are called to live out Christian virtues such as charity, joy, and peace. Fathers and mothers have a special responsibility for developing virtues in their children. Parents are “the first to proclaim the faith to their children. They are responsible for nurturing the vocation of each child, showing by example how to live the married life, and taking special care if a child might be called to priesthood or consecrated life.”4
What is a “Nuptial Mass” and when may a couple have one?
A Nuptial Mass is a Mass which includes the celebration of the Sacrament of Matrimony and has special readings and prayers. The Sacrament of Matrimony between two baptized Catholics is celebrated within Mass. If reasons are present and permission is obtained, a Nuptial Mass may be celebrated for a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, except that Communion is not given to the non-Catholic. Since marriage is a sign of unity, another option is to use the appropriate ritual for marriage outside of Mass when it is a marriage of mixed religion. Since a marriage between a baptized Catholic and a non-baptized person is not a sacrament, such marriages are always to take place outside of Mass.5
What is a “valid” Catholic marriage?
Every marriage is presumed to be valid unless proven otherwise since the Church strongly teaches the indissolubility of marriage. For Your Marriage explains, “Just as individual states have certain requirements for civil marriage (e.g., a marriage license, blood tests), the Catholic Church also has requirements before Catholics can be considered validly married in the eyes of the Church. A valid Catholic marriage results from four elements: (1) the spouses are free to marry; (2) they freely exchange their consent; (3) in consenting to marry, they have the intention to marry for life, to be faithful to one another and be open to children; and (4) their consent is given in the presence of two witnesses and before a properly authorized Church minister. Exceptions to the last requirement must be approved by Church authority.”
Do our witnesses have to be Catholic?
While the priest or deacon stands as the Church’s official witness, two other witnesses are also required. Customarily, this is the “best man” and “maid or matron of honor.” The other two witnesses must be able to comprehend the event which is taking place and possess the use of reason. Preference is to be given to witnesses who are at least fourteen years old. They need not be of the opposite sex, or even Catholic.
May a Catholic marry a validly baptized non-Catholic?
Yes, although the bishop or his delegate of the diocese where the Catholic party resides must grant permission for a marriage of mixed religion. Talk with your priest or deacon who will guide you through the steps for preparing for an interfaith marriage. May a Catholic marry a non-baptized person? Yes, although the bishop or his delegate of the diocese where the Catholic party resides must grant a dispensation from disparity of worship for the validity of the marriage. Talk with your priest or deacon who will guide you through the steps for preparing for this marriage.
Must a non-Catholic who marries a Catholic promise to rear the children in the Catholic faith?
It is the responsibility of the Catholic spouse who must promise to do all in his or her power to have the children baptized and reared in the Catholic faith. This promise is not to be taken lightly since it is a serious commitment and a genuine obligation. The non-Catholic spouse must be fully informed about this obligation of the Catholic spouse.
May I marry my baptized non-Catholic proposed spouse at his or her church and still have it recognized as valid by the Catholic Church?
For sufficient reasons, it is possible for a Catholic to marry at the church of his or her baptized non-Catholic proposed spouse, although a dispensation from canonical form must be obtained from the bishop or his delegate of the diocese where the Catholic party resides. Talk with your priest or deacon about your plans, and he will help you take the necessary steps to petition for a dispensation. If a dispensation from canonical form has been granted, the marriage will be celebrated outside of Mass, and the non-Catholic minister will officiate according to his or her own ritual. In that case, a priest does not need to be present.
We were married civilly, not in the Church. How do we have our marriage recognized by the Church?
Providing that both parties are free to marry, you may have your marriage recognized by the Church through convalidation, which is a Catholic marriage whereby you exchange your consent to each other before a priest or deacon and two witnesses, and are validly married in the Catholic Church. This ceremony is not simply a blessing of a civil marriage but is a new exchange of consent by which the couple is married in the Church. If either party was previously married, he or she must first obtain a declaration of nullity (annulment). Please talk with your priest or deacon about the steps that need to be taken to have your civil marriage convalidated by the Church. The normal requirements of preparation for marriage are necessary for a convalidation, and opportunity is provided for many issues to be discussed during those meetings.
We are cohabiting. Will one of us have to move out before the wedding?
Cohabitation is commonly understood to mean living together in a sexual relationship without marriage. Cohabitation is not in itself a canonical impediment to marriage. However, there may be other circumstances in which postponement of the marriage may be in order. A concern for the impact of cohabitation on the proposed spouses’ freedom to marry, for example, could be a reason to delay the marriage until the issue is sufficiently discussed during marriage preparation. The Church is sensitive to the fact that there are many different reasons that couples cohabit. The Church clearly teaches that cohabitating, like sexual intercourse outside of marriage between people who do not live together, “contradicts the meaning of sexual relationship in marriage as a total gift of oneself in fidelity, exclusivity, and permanency.” Conjugal love must be definitive,and “cannot be an arrangement ‘until further notice.’” During marriage preparation, the priest or deacon may wish to know more about your particular circumstances and why you have decided to cohabit. Even if you are not able to separate prior to the marriage, he may encourage you to live chastely and abstain from sexual activity until marriage, thereby following Christ and His Church. This allows you to better focus on the relationship as a whole partnership of life. Depending on your particular situation, he may also invite you to consider separate living so that you and your proposed spouse have time to individually reflect on your decision to marry. As For Your Marriage observes, separation can be a concrete sign of the couple’s free and loving decision to accept the Church’s teaching on marriage and sexuality. If a couple is not able to separate prior to marriage and chooses to continue to present themselves publicly as husband and wife, their wedding liturgy should reflect that choice and be a simple ceremony; however, the choice of liturgy is left to the discretion of the pastor.
May my proposed spouse and I select the music and scriptural readings for the wedding?
Readings from sacred Scripture are a key component of the celebration of all of the sacraments. The Order of Celebrating Matrimony provides many options from which the couple may choose with the assistance of the priest, deacon, or other parish staff. All readings at a marriage liturgy must be from sacred Scripture as found in an approved Lectionary. Music is often a very influential and important part of people’s lives both in and out of worship. While the music for the marriage liturgy is one of the places that afford the most options, at the same time there are some guidelines that need to be followed in selecting liturgical music. You may help select the music used for the liturgy with the assistance and approval of the priest, deacon, or parish staff.
May we write our own vows?
The exchange of consent, or vows, is the moment in which the couple verbalizes “before God and his Church” the covenant relationship to which they are committing. As with any sacrament, there is a certain form that is followed in its celebration. The vows express the Catholic belief of what is happening in the sacrament, and are essential to your consent in the celebration. It is for this reason that you must use the words of consent given in the Order of Celebrating Matrimony, similar to how the priest is committed to use the words found in the Eucharistic Prayer at Mass.